A Freedom Received

Two friends recently chatted with me extensively. They suggested rather strongly that there was a freedom being offered me that I had not yet received. That seemed odd for one that has always aspired to take flight and reach beyond the dictates of limitations.

I have lightened my burden. I have let go of the greatest portion of that which keeps one grounded. Where once I shook my fist at stormy skies, I now wait with full knowledge that far above all clouds the sun dominates. I acknowledge that life primarily turns on choices that I will have the opportunity to make. I also accept - now -that there is little I can do to alter that which truly is beyond my control - including the convictions of others. I have found a peace in these recognitions which has softened the corners of my eyes and the hardness of my soul.

I wonder now if it has also kept me earthbound. Did I simply sink myself down into a well worn easy chair, shrug my shoulders and snuggle into the comfort of resignation?

I think not.

I backed up - not to start over but to rework what had become an all too familiar path. The trampled ground had made for a large plateau rather than a pointing toward tomorrow. I realized that someone else (who very possibly might not have known what they were talking about) had painted my leaves with colors I had never longed for and approaches I despised. They had taken freedoms that were not theirs to receive. I had not realized this, in part, because they also had a great deal of good to offer. In my youth I had not discerned between the two.

Now I do.

So I am reworking, going back to pick up a few tools I left by the wayside thinking they were extra weight. Now I realize that some of those discarded utensils define my heart's desires while others are talents that should never have been buried.

I write. I paint. I try to cook. I cut out leaves in the colors of my choice and hang them from the rafters because it takes me back to a childhood awareness that was right on track - a dance I once knew by heart that was dictated by the Spirit and performed for the Father. There is laughter in the air once more. Falling leaves will do that.

Most importantly I very timidly reach out and touch another life, one crying out ... one that enters my world because something I have, a Gift I hold, has drawn them. One shattered life encounters another and somehow together we discover a small step towards wholeness.

I don't have to work it all out now. I don't have to get it all right. I have been graced with the freedom to fail. I don't even have to make it off the ground. But I might.

Wouldn't that be fun?